Lines from the observation exercise

Here's some of my favorite lines from observation exercises:

"A bus takes a break, releases a sigh; a small cloud floats up and evaporates into the sky."
-- Evie Santiago

"Echos of 'SAKE SAKE BOOM!' make the room rattle with teetering shots falling through glass and plunking in beer. Drink!
--- Carolyn Cutrone

This was a good line from Carolyn. Here's a little suggestion on how to do it faster with more punch:

"Echos of 'SAKE SAKE BOOM!' rattle the room with teetering shots falling through glass and plunking in beer. Drink!"

" A deep-bellied giggle escaped his mouth as the napkin tickled his tiny, flushed cheeks, packed with food."
-- Amanda Riggio, writing about a toddler eating lunch with his mom.

First came blue. Then pink. Then green. Each colored object about the size of a kidney bean rushed into the little boy’s clear plastic bag.
-- Becca Burns

A sales associate breezes past the old woman, arms loaded with multi-colored clothing.
Sam Schles

The girl linked her arms around her mother’s neck like a necklace and pressed her nose into her mother’s cheek, planting three staccato kisses.
Gabriella Waldvogel.

Misplaced shopping carts lie scattered across the concrete plain.
-- Peter Blanchard

The Nissan Altima woman’s hands tightened around her keys and purse.
Erica Conte.

One man sits in a green chair and sings in a calm voice and talks aloud to himself.
Jessica Dillon.

The woman nearly springs out of her chair as her lips curl in on one another.
Kellan Davidson

Twisted sticks and large rocks poke through the surface, slicing up the river’s water.
Breanne Durning.

His fresh tracks in the snow lead her to him. Hand back in hand, she joins in his gaze out to where deep blue has disappeared around the high, black boundaries. The silence speaks to them and they step over the edge.
Andrew Buraczenski


As the chef’s knife commandingly flails in her direction, she turns and glides back to her burrow, moving like a snail across a sidewalk, savoring the human interaction.
Natalie King.

A big hand grabbed the bills, and the register made a whooshing sound as the cash drawer flew open.
Laura Murray.

The ambidextrous adolescent hurriedly scoops orders of noodles and egg rolls into Styrofoam to-go boxes, and sticks a toothpick in another piece of pork.
Norah Sweeney.

The ice machine clunks and rattles as one woman waits for her cup to fill and converses to the women at the table across the room.
Jackie Wild

Sunbeams cut through the side windows and forced customers at side tables to furrow their brows and scoot their seats, constantly readjusting to relieve the irritation.
Abby Paulson

In all six courts slim athletes sprint with legs the width of tree trunks, reach with gangly arms and flick their wrists as if they were made of elastic in order to get their opponent to chase the ball into a narrow corner.
Kevin McCall

With one hand holding a drink and the other flailing in the air along with the beat of the music, she pops and swivels her hips in perfect sync with the rhythm, seemingly more hypnotized than those watching her captivating gyrations.
Bryant Kuehner

The residue doesn’t stop overzealous partygoers from turning down the lights, turning up the music and climbing onto the tabletops.
Rachel Stokes

REMINDER: This is an observation exercise. You are only to write about what you SEE, hear, smell, ect. Only write about what can be known through the senses. Don't guess about motivations or what people are thinking. Don't get into people's heads. Don't write about what you think or what you guess is happening.  Use active verbs to describe the scene, engage the senses and allow the reader to experience the scene as directly as possible. Do not use the verb to be. Do not write in the passive voice. SHOW, DON'T TELL!

Here are the original notes for the observation exercise.

Please  include the word "observation" in your blog headline so that I'll know that is what it is intended for. Anyone who has posted their exercise already may edit their work to meet the requirements so long as it happens before class time on Feb. 17.