Sample lede

Steve Spangler begins his schtick by coaching a woman who stares into a 7 foot long, 3 foot wide vat of 2,500 pounds worth of a sloshing corn starch and water mixture. At Spangler’s cue of “Go, Go, Go!” the woman runs on top of the mixture. She wildly stomps atop of it, punishing the surface of the mix with the soles of her feet. She then scampers to the other side, surprisingly clean of the sloppy mixture, and extends her arms as if to say “Tada!”

Good stuff.

Just some tightening to think about:

Steve Spangler begins his schtick by coaching a woman AS SHE stares into a 7 foot long, 3 foot wide vat of 2,500 pounds of corn starch and water.
“Go, Go, Go!” he yells, and the woman runs across.
She wildly stomps atop of it, punishing the surface of the mix with the soles of her feet. She then scampers to the other side, her feet surprisingly clean and extends her arms as if to say “Tada!”

Once you have captured the moment like this, the trick becomes whether you can tell the story with even fewer words. Fewer words, well chosen, have a bigger impact.